Monday, September 28, 2009

My lady friend is going to marry her lady friend

In Seattle this weekend. And I am going. Alone. On Friday I will drive to DIA and get on a plane by myself (which I never do anymore)and meet my college roommate April in the Seattle airport. We then get to go downtown, and stay in a hotel--a fancy one by my standards (hey, I live in BFE here!). The reception is at a place called Purr, which I understand is a pretty cool bar. I will be kid-less and husband-less! Lucky me!! I can't wait to take pictures of my highfalutin city adventure and post them all for you to see here. Happy Trails!

**perhaps I should sneak some barbies into the suitcase so they can test out the pool**

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Ineptedness and loserdom (yes, those are both words, I promise)

So, I have just spent an inordinate amount of time on Blogher. It is a website where women who blog can congregate (that is the simplest description). I thought to myself, Self! You have a blog! You should join this Blogher thing. So I did. Then I became entangled in a web of blogs which were very pretty and nicely set up. The owners were crafty, and they were selling their crafts. Or they were photographers or artists selling their art. The owners were pretty. They did not have blogs about naked barbies, douchebags or setting corn dogs on fire.
It was intimidating. I mean, here I am thinking this was a great place for REAL women to list blogs and such as. However, it seemed at first like a place for women who have way more talent and skills than I do to list their blogs.
So, I did it. I submitted this naked barbie loving snuggie wearing corndog inferno blog for listing on Blogher. We shall see if they will have me. On a positive note, those fancy pretty blogs with photography and great layouts are fun to read and look at. They are also fun to aspire to. I suggest if you are bored to check it out (blogher, that is) and thumb through the list of blogs they have listed. It's better than bad, it's good!

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Excuse me while I go get my bumpit and snuggie while listening to pure moods....

I love infomercials. No really, I LOVE infomercials. So does my sister, I believe there may be a genetic link. As a matter of fact—my love of infomercials is the reason why I can’t have another baby. It’s true! I am currently the owner of a ginsu knife, the ultimate chopper, pure moods 1-7, Tae-bo, and very nearly a food dehydrator. These items were all purchased via telephone at approximately 2:45 am, whilst a newborn baby was nursing like a ravenous animal. Had I been asleep, this probably wouldn’t have happened. However, babies like to eat, therefore, I own a plethora of random crap I don’t use and should probably give away on free cycle. My husband and I have logically concluded that if we had another baby, I would be forced to purchase a snuggie, a bumpit and the WEN hair care system. So, I have made peace with this decision. I do not need a snuggie, a bumpit OR the WEN hair care system. Although I am pretty sure that if I utilized them all at once, I would be so attractive I would have to beat men off with a stick. Perhaps this is my husbands ulterior motive…..he wants to have me all to himself and therefore cannot have me gussying myself up with fabulous items like snuggie (in case you were inept at placing a blanket on yourself) or the bumpit (in case you are inept at ratting your hair like Vince Neil from Motley Crue circa 1984). On second thought, maybe I need to go turn on my tv!

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Lack of insight into your own douchebaggery OR why people can't seem to understand they are asshats.

You know, I have been pondering this and the meaning of life for some time now. What does it all mean, Basil? Well, I wish I had answers. What I do know, is that it seems like there are a large handful of douchebags out there that just do NOT know the vast depth of their own douchy-ness, if you will. Now, for today's purposes we are going to focus purely on the internet debauchery that is running rampant. However, feel free to apply these concepts to real life as you see fit. So, take the one upper, internet style. You put something in your Facebook status. They inevitably have to one up you. Every.Single.Time. What about this exchange? Zombie skunks Facebook status: "I had a terrible day, everything went wrong" and inevitably there is this idiocy: Reply from Douchey Mcdoucherton to Zombie Skunk: "Today I had the best day ever! I won the lottery, cleaned my house, screwed my husband and baked a cake. Sorry your day sucked!" WTF???? Seriously? *sigh*
Now we move on to an entirely different category of douchnozzles, the "arguers". You put something in your status and they have to argue with you. Why? Because Facebook is a debate forum? Because you are going to change somebodies political ideology over a status report on a social networking site? Yes, yesterday Douchey Mcdoucherton didn't like my status update on universal health care and said so. Consequently, I changed my political party to Republican. NOT.
Equally annoying are the people who never seem to access the social networking site you are on....not for 3 or 4 months (or they do but can't seem to find the time to interact with YOU)and then BAM! They appear out of nowhere only to post a snotty comment or two on something. Yes, Douchey McDoucherton, my daughter started first grade this year. I got a new job after 8 years and my father in law has a terminal illness. Thanks for not acknowledging those things but then swooping in to plant that snide comment on my link. *eye roll*
Will they ever get it? Will they ever have insight into the error of their ways? Probably not. Fortunately, it's the internet and the "remove" and "ignore" buttons will be getting a lot of play this week. If you are applying this to real life....good luck to you. I hope you live in a rural area.
FYI, it's 42 (the answer. just in case anyone was wondering)

Monday, September 7, 2009

Mr. Mantis aka "Mr. will eat your face off"

So, my kids found Mr. Mantis at my sister's, hanging out on her patio. He stayed relatively in the same spot all weekend and sometimes when we would watch him...he would fall over. I think either this was the greatest defense mechanism of all time or he had a traumatic brain injury and was severely disabled. At any rate, when he noticed you were there, he would rear back and waggle his feet at you. Then he would turn his head back and forth, kind of like that scary creature in the movie Alien before it ate somebodies face off. I am pretty sure if you fell asleep on the patio you would have woken up to this dude eating your face off. I am also pretty sure that my kids wanted him for a pet. Fortunately, animals like Mr. Mantis belong outside....patiently waiting to eat my sister or brother in laws faces off. Sleep well Katie and Dennis!

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Trip to Boise.....The Rematch

This is what happens when you take your military, ex-law enforcement, semi-redneck husband to a fancy hotel.

On the other hand, we did go to a fondue restaurant downtown. Children were spared. He was, however, forced to use pink fondue stickers. Hey, if it involves cheese he probably would have donned a tutu if it was required.