Monday, June 27, 2011

What kind of person gives old people porn? An awesome one.

Several weeks ago, I was frantically searching for a birthday present for my mother.  My mom and dad have birthday's that are less than 30 days apart and this year, they both turned 60.  For this momentous occasion, I had already commissioned a documentary of their lives made by my friend and producer Daniel Marces at Secram Studios.  However, on Thursday night, 2 days before the birthday party, I hormonally decided I needed "presents".  Fortunately, I was in Casper hanging out with my friend Anna for work related reasons.  After she took me to an Indian restaurant (WTF? Casper has an Indian restaurant?) we went to Target to mill about.

I bought my dad a Zac Brown Band cd as he recently decided he want to learn to play "Chicken Fried".  Suddenly I had a thought.  ANNA!  You know that one show about kings and shit and Victorian stuff that was on HBO?  Maybe they have a boxed set of that.  "Uh, the Tudors?  That has a lot of sex in it." says Anna.  *snicker* "Oh Anna," I say, "my mom's cool.  She'll like it."  Anna was raised by fundamentalist Mormons so I scoffed at her "a lot of sex" comment.  "OK," she says, "your mom sounds rad."  I purchase the Tudors.  I give it to my mother.  She has never heard of it and seems pleased.  She likes kings and Victorians and shit. I should have remembered that Anna is not uptight, or Mormon.  Anna used to live on the East Coast and is a liberal. 

Fast forward 2 weeks.  My husband and I meet my parents at the lake to set up shop for the fourth of July weekend, an important occasion in my family.  After a whole day of "Farther? Farther? Farther? FUCK! while trying to strategically back a camper/boat/trailer into a wooded, un-level area, everybody is tired and sunburnt.  As my dad walks off my mom looks over at me slyly and this conversation occurs:

Mother:  That movie you gave me is like soft core porn!

Me:  Ya, sorry.  I didn't realize it was that bad, I should have listened to Anna.

Mother:  Well, it's ok because that guy is a hottie.  But it's all sexed up!  Like, sex pots.  The whole thing is sex!

Me: Well, that's what kind of daughter I am.  I give old people porno for their birthdays.

Honestly, I am not even sure what that meant?  Sex pots?  Sexed up?  Hotties?  I am sure a good interpretation is "I can't believe my daughter gave me this soft core porn that is sexed up with sex pots and hotties!"

So, adult children of old people...take heed.  Do not purchase a snuggie, or a chia pet or bingo cards as gifts.  Purchase The Tudors.  Or a subscription to late night Cinemax.  Or a pay per view gift card.

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Seriously though..........

You would think, given that I can't seem to shut up most of the time, that I would have a lot more to say in this blog.  Welp, no.  Apparently.  It's been 5 months since I filled you in on Cocky Caw Caw and his bizness and you would think that something fantastical had happened in 5 months.  Welp, no.  Actually, something fantastical did happen.  My grandparents celebrated their 65th wedding anniversary.  My husband and I didn't kill each other.  My 15 year old schnoodle is still alive.  My parents turned 60.  My niece turned one.  My baby lost her first tooth and then swallowed it and cried for an hour.  My big girl went from a baby 2nd grader to a very sophisticated 3rd grader.  My husband is great at fixing bloody noses and my 5 year old COULD have diabetes.  At least, that's what she announced the other day. My girls sang a duet in the school talent show.  Gracie can play the beginning of a Metallica song on her guitar and Emma wants a drum kit for her birthday.  Hmmmmm.  Apparently quite a few fantastical things happened in 5 months.  

Here are a few pictures I have taken in the five months since we left Cocky Caw Caw and his entourage in Kauai.

In case you were wondering, mocking people IS a pastime of mine.  Sorry.  (not really).  Welp, there it is.