Sunday, August 28, 2011

Excuse me manservant, would you like a tooth with those potatoes?

It's nearing the end of dinner. Trevor is helping himself to more mashed potatoes.
Emma: "Daddy, while you are up can I have some more mashed potatoes"
Trevor: "Sure you can"
Trevor: "Um, you need to hand me your plate"
Emma: "Sure thing man servant"
In the 2 seconds my husband was speechless, we all hear a gagging, dry heaving noise and everybody rubber necks over to Gracie.
Me: "Grace! Are you choking?!?"
Suddenly, Grace gags again and out of her mouth flies blood, saliva, and a rather large tooth. She runs to the bathroom. My husband runs after her.
Emma: "Is somebody going to give me those potatoes, because I am still hungry"

Wednesday, August 10, 2011


My baby girl has such a hard time going to bed. I used to think it was because she was naughty and didn’t want to sleep. Now I think she just has a lot of thoughts in her head that she can’t get rid of. Several nights ago, after she had come out of her room 5 times already asking for water and another kiss and “more chapstick” etc (please see Go The F*#@ to sleep) she started hollering “Mommy!” “Mommy!” When I came into her room to find out what the F*#$ could possibly be so important to a 5 year old at 10pm at night she asked, “Mommy, can you please explain to me how brains work?” Um, WTF? That falls under the category of TV and the Internet and I do not F’ing have any idea but I am just glad they do. So I say , “well you see, it’s like Magic. Kind of like fairies and Santa.” Fortunately for her, my husband heard this exchange and came running in to save the day with a disgruntled “don’t tell her that” look on his face. He then proceeded to talk for 15 minutes about energy and neurons and synapses and stuff. Huh, well I’ll be damned...who knew? Luckily for me,in a redeeming moment while I was sitting on the edge of her bed last night she said, “mommy, the earwigs are asleep now right? Because daddy told me they are all asleep at night in their beds so they won’t be coming in here.” Ohhhhhhhhhh reeealllyyy. Earwigs are his kryptonite I guess. I would have just said a magic fairy comes at night and kills them. They will never hurt you. Kinda like how Santa brings your toys on Christmas Eve and then leaves. Only with earwigs and death and such as. Magic.